WARNING- a cathartic post ahead.
My head is still not good.Some may say its always been a little odd anyways.
Its been 10 weeks.
I hate taking the medications(many) but I am petrified of coming off them.Nobody is telling me to mind you.
I feel like I have lost a part of myself to this thing. It takes over everything.
I am waiting for an epiphany,an understanding of why I have this affliction.I dont want to be a victim to it.As of yet the only thing I can come up with is that I need to slow down.
I have.
Its still here.
So I keep searching for the key that will unlock the door to understanding.
I understand the pathophysiology of this thing.I understand physically what is going on but to me there is more to this thing.A lesson not yet learnt and when I do it will disappear as quickly as it came.
Another thoery I am playing with right now is that the pain is literally breath taking.
Perhaps if I can release something that I have pushed down deep inside ,a painful experience or event that the pain will go.What in me or my past (the same thing in my mind) has been so painful that I have manifested this.
Im working on this.
I have alot of help.
Im trying EVERYTHING.
I cant live like this,but I am.
2 comments:
Man - you're really going through the grinder, aren't you?
Understand to some extent what you're going through; the frustration of being unable to control what's going on inside your body; the inability to know where it came from & where it's going - i sometimes feel like an space explorer in my own body.
Sweety, i admire & respect your strength & dignity in this really hard & traumatic time.
Wish I could take away your pain, but instead i am sending out some extra hearty & warm hugs & thoughts.
oxox
keep on going sweetie you are doing really well you are and always will be an amazing woman.I LOVE YOU. Ma XXXXX
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