Presence and Radiance

As alot of you know 2005 was a challenging year. It was very mountainous and sometimes I didnt feel like I was going to summit.
November saw me summit and start making my way down to base camp. Back to safety and back to the warmth.Summiting was as I guess it can be,an achievement.The coming together of so many things.Alot of hard work.Alot of emotional investment.At times I thought I didnt have the energy to get there.It would have been easier to lie down and just let the winds of everything around consume me.I made it though and feel that I left behind a piece of myself up there on my analogical mountain.As I said I am at base camp now and ready to start on a new adventure witht he experience of the last tucked in my knapsack of experience.
Its a valuable experience when you suffer.I know many that will avoid it.Not feeling brave enough to conquer that which they fear the most,but suffering is a way to your self.It is only through suffering that we truly can understand ourselves,can feel the boundaries of our being and reach out further and gain real acheivment for that which we have done.
So with this in my mind I went searching for a little enlightenment on the core of relationship. I have been tangling through these questions for some years now.What are they ?How are they supposed to be? When are they right? When are they not? When is it time to discard the relationship because it has reached its sell by date? When is enough ,enough? Some might say if you truly love enough is never.You stick together ,work things out .Value what life is showing you together as 2 beings tripping along and embrace what gifts you have together.
But someone said something to me while I was away that touched me more than any formula that I have encountered to date.

Presence and Radiance

The woman needs presence
The male needs radiance

Without one the other cannot exist .

I discovered that I lacked presence in my life and therefore found it hard to radiate and vice versa.Its a chicken an egg situation. This made alot of sense to me. So I am seeking presence.A someone to BE with me. Not necesarily in person but most definately in spirit.
What also occured to me is that this doesnt mean relationship outside of oneself but also within,where masculine and feminine both reside.Perhaps I need to be a little more present for my feminine side and allow her to BE too.
So I step into the New Year with a focus and alot of goals feeling cleansed and happy.I have the occasional reoccuring nightmare that I am still working on but asides from that the future is now for my reinvention!