I am in this very moment being gripped by a craving for a ciggie! My mind is rabid with thoughts of popping to the shops to buy a packet and smoke one! BUT never fear..........I wont..............its day 16?
Why the question mark I hear you say.....well........ermmmmmm......technically I havent booted the habit completely.I have had about 6 cigarettes in the last 8 days.I could say it was because I have had a highly stressful week,(and I have) but I really dont want to use that as an excuse as to why I smoked but I did and I feel crappy about it! I did say fromt he start that i would be happy to indulge from time to time and I guess 6 ciggies out of the 300 I would have usually smoked is great,but somehow as is always my way I feel i have let myself down.But I havent have I really??I guess I should be patting myself on the back for having achieved this at all.But everyone around me gives off waves of disappointment rather than encouragement and this saddens me a little.It feels to me like the fact that I had a ciggie at all is like I have failed,but in part ,I feel like there is no failure ,just an honest desire to get healthier and trying my best I am certainly not smoking full-time and my most vulnerable time is after finishing work at night,or if I have a coffee,so I am working with that.
I feel better for being a mostly non-smoker....or whatever you would call me now!
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2 comments:
Im just glad that you blogged instead of smoked.
the last time i communicated with you I said that I thought that i had more support than you, and ever since i wrote that, i have been thinking that support was the worng word. The right word was "pressure".
hmmmmmmm....thats interesting.Doe pressure make you want not to smoke ??? I think for me it works the opposite.......more pressure the more I wanna stuff the fags in........if we are talking financial pressure or health pressure or some kind of internal oressure which I experience more and more every day then yeah.......I hear you loud and clear
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