I feel like complete and utter crap.I am quite frankly at a loss.I am sick of my current situation and sick of taking it all in my stride.I am sick of holding back anger.I want to shout and scream and yell at the top of my voice.I want to hit someone.I wanna cause pain.Like the pain I feel right now when you know the world is probably a good and kind place somewhere and you are sure that people do the right things and show love care and compassion towards you,but it just aint happening in your world.
I dont want to say everything is okay when it quite clearly isnt. To say that I have an understanding of what I am experiencing right now is a lie but I have just become used to it. Comfortably numb.Underneath it all I am scared and somewhat at a loss.Problems need solving or they continue to remain problems.I am not sure how to solve this one.Maybe I am but I just dont wanna look att he solution right now.
2 comments:
oh hell. you poor thing. sounds like some big changes are in the air for quite a few of my friends (watashi mo). time for a paradigm shift. if you're not happy, then go change it, and do it now!!!! scary but necessary and can only pave the way for a brighter, clearer, hopefully more honest future for all concerned. don't waste any more time being angry. it's such a draining force (look at poor old anakin skywalker) - good for instigating change, though. may the force be with you, honey. remember you're not alone.
i second that. you couldn't have said it better ms. frangipani.
be angry a little bit though. sounds like it really needs to come out before you can move on to the realm of optimistic positivity. humour yourself. go scream at the next man you see peeing on the street in the middle of the day, or picking his nose on the train. or if you're feeling a little less confrontational, go do some kick boxing and bash a bag.
i'm sorry you're feeling desperately shitty. but ain't it the truth - you aren't alone. you know how to use your resources, and you're doing it in the style and grace that envelops you. consider me as one of your resources too. i might not be too helpful, but i can listen.
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