The journey

I have travelled pretty extensively around the world on many types of vehicles be it with 4 wheels ,2 wheels,16 wheels, starting with 4 finishing with 3.I have done the 2 wheels plus 4 hooves.The 2 wheels plus 2 feet ,the no wheels ,the wings ,the wings plus propellers, the wings plus propellers plus skis.The world is full of wierd and wonderful types of transportation and now I am a little ambivalent to it all.
This story however starts with 4 wheels. 4 wheels in a taxi.
It had been a long day the kind you wish had ended the moment you opened your eyes.Sorely hurting and hungover with bad dreams.A long night witht he sound of gentle snores wafting into my top bunk as the train clacked along the tracks. I woke feeling I needed to shake myself down ,clean up my act. Give myself a damn good shake and say "girl it aint that bad,the sun is shining and look at the scenery". The scenery was beautiful and as I supped on my lipton milkless tea and watched the passing limestone formations and the waking of the land around with colour flashing here and there as people started to work the land.The sun bold but tempered by the breeze as I sat on my little step watching the Thai land pass me by. I afforded myself some excitement.I longed for the beach.To feel the sand beneath my feet massaging away the tension.The sound of the ocean matching and calming my breath.The sun on my skin revitalising my tired soul.
Our stop a mere 2 hours away and a short taxi drive would then lead me to my solice.
The train stops ,we find ourself at the border.We clumsily carry our luggage fromt he train ,puffing and panting we make it through customs.
"so where are you heading too?" the guard asks."Peerenthain Islands........where can we gat a taxi?" He laughs."Its a long drive " to which I reply because I have done heaps of research, "well an hour, right?".
"No maam its about a 12 hour taxi drive from here"
Silence
More silence.The pot starts to boil,my face took a rainbow of expressions........
After much banter and complete disbelief we finally get back on the train for another 3 hours and make our way down to Buttterworth where we are told we can get an overnight bus or its a 4 hour taxi drive to our destination.DELAY DELAY DELAY...more time to sit ,sit with thoughts sit with myself .Sit waiting waiting for what?
I decided that we must take a taxi. We arrange this with ease but in my haste to not sit with myself a moment longer ,to just get there ,I failed to check the Vehicle.
Its old.
It doesnt look like it could make it to the supermarket for a carton of milk let alone across the width of Malaysia. Damn it.Get in .Do it.Lets just keep moving.
He tells me its better to not have the aircon on . "We go faster". Okay ,just get us there.
The scenery is stunning .We drive through the highlands for 3 hours in a taxi that plods rather than cruises.I think on many occasions on our up hill climb we almost stop.The tension is rising.My father and mother in the back silent.Me in the front holding on to my own tension like a child who wont be parted with her teddy bear.
The up hills are slow.The down hills are free wheeling.Its petrifying for my parents.My father especially.Hes always at the wheel and now he is not in control and in asia drivers have this style of driving that is admirable as well as down right life threatening.We cruise at 80 kms behind other cars with just a sniff of a space between us.A sudden brake and we would be pancake.My mother asks me to ask the driver to slow down as we careeer around corners which IF the brakes happenend to fail or a tire burst we would find ourselves getting an ariel view of the Highlands.
This is a pointless excersise. This is how he drives.
4 hours later and 4 hours more of nail biting corners we make it. We stumble dishevelled from the cab.My father sighs.I know its relief. It was a 4 hour rollercoater drive.Mentally for me.Physically for my folks. I am used to Asia and the way they drive.I am ambivalent.What really struck me throughout this experience was that I was made to wait and sit with myself for a total of 3 days .My parents bags arrived a day later than them.We arrived a day later than that to our destination. It was all beyond my control and I had to give it up.I had to hear my inner voice ,sit with my little girl while she grieved, when all I wanted to do was to get there. I am still not there. Its a journey but I am much more present now.