Same same but different.........

This happened last year..........something in the stars?........a new year clean out? ..........or just coincidence???
I quit the job I have been in for 2 years.I found another one the same day! Hooray! A very chilled place with great people and much more my thing!At long last I am appreciated.It was a healthy decision.A similar thing happened last year where I lost my job around the same time.Odd.
Benji puss is sick.He has skin cancer on his nose.Its treatable,but hes in discomfort and thats just no fun for the little guy...its going to cost me a fortune.Same thing happened at the same time last year.......he got sick and cost me a fortune?!
What is going on???

Dating games

So Im dating.
After seattle boy I decided it was time to dust off the cobwebs and get myself out there and noticed.
Study can lessen a little but this girl needs to go get some loving.
Ive never really "Dated" before.Ive always just met someone hooked up and so the story goes and here I am several long term relationships later.........nothing wrong with that.Its just the way it goes.Serial monogamist.But things are different now.I want to do some window shopping and try on a few different outfits before I make a purchase.
So there was singles party boy- Kiwi,very keen,wanted to monoploise me,bombarded me with texts and affirmations of how cool I was.Not interested.
The there was British boy- nice guy,wanted to talk about the Uk alot.I left there a long time and all the talk of it made me feel terribly depressed.Again texts and affirmations of desire.Not interested
Next was Media boy-He was cute.We talked alot about travelling,told me that if I saw any of his friends not to mention we met online.......wierd.Its such a viable way of meeting people these days.Again not interested.Told him so and I dont think he was that into me either so all cool.
Then we had psycho boy- Child psycologist,eyes like a vampire,looked nothing like his pic and scared the hell out of me.i think it was when his eyes followed the only people with kids out of the restaurant that I thought NO youre just ot right.The mention of a little walk after dinner also freaked me out.........would I like to see him again???? No.No messing just a plain straight no.He can handle it no freudian analysis there.
Next up is who I call second chance boy- Went on a date .He analysed the hell out of me and incorrectly.Found myself just wanting to go home and hide under the duvet.Emailed him the next day to say sorry no chemistry,to which he replied that he really thought I shoudl give him a second chance.........hmmmmmmm.........No.another reply....thats a shame please reconsider?I think to myself that this guy is brave so accept another date.
Now for the best one- Sydney boy-told him in no uncertain terms that hes in sydney and Im in melbourne.No harm talking he responds.Okay.2 months later after alot of talking and instant messaging we meet.Have a great weekend.Lots of chemistry,lots of fun.I like him.He lives in Sydney.Go figure.He is also still in love with ex girlfriend.Not willing to go there.Accuses me of falling in love with him and not to go there.....okay buddy unstick the tickets.I like you but it was just a weekend.Would do it again but feel slightly cheated.
Oh and here comes second chance boy again-this date was alot more relaxed,we had fun,not sue about the chemistry,but we can be friends and you can never have enough of those.........he wants to take me out to a fabulous italian ...okay accept date 3...which is to be continued.
And so the games continue...........and Im still dating..........

remember me?

Hey there everyone!


Remember me!?
You have a few guesses to guess where Ive been but most of you will know that it has been that time of year where head goes down, bum goes up and the world ceases to exist unless you can find it in a text book or Uni notes.........
Its over.......I have 3 glorious months of no Uni and time to get a life!
Exams were a different experience for me this semester...I would still use adjectives such as "stressful" "painful" and "draining" but I seem to have reached a stage where instead of trying to get High Distinctions or distinctions,I am just content to pass.The balance needs to be struck and the hair needs to stay on my head! Up until now it has..........touch wood and 500 hail marys.........Im still pretty sure Ive aged 10 years in the last month but nothing that a few good sleeps wont sort out and some TLC.......
So i have some things to blog.alot of things! Lovelife stories,work stories,made up stories..........and then theres Christmas.That kind of crept on me! Finished my exams and i recieved a Christmas card......oh,Christmas,yes! thats happening!
so keep watching folks and hopefully I can catch you up on all my news!

Remains

So.........Its been a wierd couple of months.Extreme highs followed by what I first percieved to be an extreme low! You know the kind.Hard to get out of bed,feel like a sack of potatoes,no one loves me,end of the garden ,worm eating and general beating up on oneself.
STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!

Reality check..........
1. I made myself vulnerable.What this really means is I have been open and honest with my feelings and who I am! I love that!

2.I am lonely.What this really means is that I am so focused on my dreams and goals that I havent made time for anything else in my life......I can work on that!

3.I am not worthy.eh hem.I ended it because I believed I am worth more than what I was recieveing and the result was the revealtion that I was right!

4.I miss intimacy-kind of the same as the above and again something I am working on.Its not a bad thing to miss intimacy but I can seek it in all kinds of ways.Self,friends,pets and spirit.

5.I will never find what I am looking for.Yes I will.I just need to be patient.It is my right to be happy and fufilled.

So those are a few things I wrangled with this week.I have worked through them all and come out on top.I am moving forward positively.I am radiant even.
This girl will not be beat,or pulled down by lifes little upsets! She will always work through them and seek the positive and then seek to action them.
It all feel rather good!

GOODBYES

The dream,and it seems it was just a dream,is dashed.I think I had a lucky escape.




"Men like
women who don't color their hair, don't wear lots of
make up and who are comfortable with what God gave
them. This is who I am going to marry. Its what all
men truly seek in a woman.

The world is not as it once was. Women have forgotten
how to be women. They have forgotten how to be able to
raise a family and run a house. They no longer know
how to iron a simple shirt, to sew a ripped hem, or
bake a cake on Sunday afternoon. They no longer know
how to hang up laundry on a washing line... the simple
thing in life that are so over looked, yet so
important. To listen to a husband after a long days
work and run him a bath and bring him a cup of tea or
a glass of wine before dinner."

I have read this many times.I am still reeling at the fact that I didnt pick any of this up.
I am also truly disappointed that I now have to go back to the drawing board and start the search again........hell.........I do pick them.......but what a lucky escape.Is this truly what a man wants????

He rose again!!!

And after the 3rd day he rose again!
Only after a few days of disposing of the old and rather dearly departed bunny rabbit,(actually its still sitting in my draw while I decide exactly HOW TO dispose of it in a house where I live with my aunt,uncle and 2 kids........suggestions kindly welcome)I came home today to find a parcel on my bed!I love suprises! Especially parcel suprises but not in my wildest dreams did I anticipate that a VERY VERY KIND benefactor would take pity on my loss and understand the financial strife of a student and send me a BRAND NEW shiny rabbit!!!!!!!!It buzzes and lights and twirls and even has a cute bunny rabbit face!LUCKY LUCKY ME!!!!Give it and me some more time and it might even have other tricks up its sleeve!..........and so my dearest readers,I thank you for your sympathy at what was a very sad time,but as fickle as I am, old has been replaced with new and I am no longer grieving but grooving!
THANK YOU KIND BENEFACTOR

The 5 stages of grief.

Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening." As she pressed the "on" button of her Rabbit and the red light didnt flicker a flicker or make a peep of a noise.

Anger: "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible") In this case the duracell batteries that leaked all over the inside of the battery compartment that have now casued my beloved to die

Bargaining: "Just let me live to see it buzz and twirl one more time." Surely if I clean it out replace the batteries it will work again...........Please I will do anything if you just make the light light and the buzz,buzz.

Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?I have no money to buy a new one,it was the only thing that kept me sane" Being a student sucks.Do I now have to down grade to a pocket version.?

Acceptance: "It's going to be OK." Ill put some money away each week until I can afford to buy a new one .I will use my hairbrush or any penis shaped object! Its okay,Im creative.Fuck it!

A little more.............

Okay girls...I hear what you are saying. But bear with me for a while!
We met some 5 years ago.In thailand.Just before I went to Tokyo.It was a sliding door moment.I was strongly attracted to him but was heading to Tokyo to be with "he who must not be named".I remained faithful,but was curious about this man.He asked me to come with him when he left the island I was staying on(less than 24 hours after we met)..........I said no and as I watched him leave I was kicking myself that I had not followed this up.He sayed in touch with me and would call me frequently in Tokyo........we lost touch when he got shitty with me for staying with "he who must not be named" when it was obvious that I was allowing myself to be completely disrespected.But I was blinded by love and carried along.........we all know that story anyways and its past and gone.
Okay so long story short we were in and out of touch for some time and recently back in touch.When he doscovered I was in Oz and single and my spirit willing he hopped on a flight and whisked me away to the whitsundays.
It was a beautiful week and much needed on both our parts.We had great fun and lots of cocktails!
He has met all my family and friends here.He is now on a trip to the U.K and is going down to see the folks.Nothing seems to phase him.He seems to know what he wants.
I cant give you anymore than that girls..........we are now in a position where he lives in Seattle and I in Melbourne.I am just taking it one day at a time.If it is then it is and if it isnt it isnt and we shall see what the passage of time brings.Way too many dissppointmets in my life romantically to allow myself to abandon myself completely.

Fairy tales???

I have just got back from being in Queensland for a week.Lots of sunshine and relaxation.You may ask why I was off doing this kind of thing when I should have been working and studying hard!
Well it had to do with a man.Someone that has pursued me off and on for 5 years.We finally got it together and he travelled 9 thousand miles from seattle to melbourne and whisked me away to sunny lands so that we could spend some good time together!
Sounds romantic huh??? It was. Where to from now???? Plans of seattle and other stuff on the horizon.........who knows.Just watch this space.

Lights! camera and action!!!!!!

Had a beautiful morning with my nephews the other morning.A moment in time when we were lost in pure fantasy and fun.The innocence of thier little beings caught up in the magic of the surrounds. We played castles under my duvet.Played hide and seek,we danced like crazy banchees around my room beating my drum.We played scary monsters and played with my camera! It was the highlight of my week........Here are some of the pics that they took!

"No ordinary morning "by chicane.

I knew .
The moment that I hit the sand and saw your face twist .
It was lost.
I held on tight
But it was lost
I would have walked
I would have packed my bag and disappeared
I followed for a while
But you are gone now
And I am happy.............

Life coaching.

In japan I had a friend who was a life coach.He invited me to look further into it,but at the time I was wrapped up with moving and making new pathways for myself.So it stayed in the back vault of my mind for some time.

I believe that what you need comes to you time and time again until you take it up.Well it came back to me right here in little ol Oz in the restaurant I work in.
A friend of mine has just completed her training and asked me to be a client of hers for 6 weeks.She has to complete a certain amount of hours before she is fully qualified.I chuckle to myself at the strangeness of the universe,no,not the strangeness but the wonder of it always being consistent in its offerings.
So I have had 5 sessions with her and it has been such a rewarding process.In the last couple of months I have managed to move from being stuck in fear over several aspects of my life(work,study,love,self) to being able to tangibly (is this a word??) act out my dreams and desires for self.
Its not counselling.I am not going in and venting my angers, fears and frustration,but working with and actively trying to shift blocks to success.Rather than mentally staying in the mind ,you are asked to go one step further and put it into action.This call to action really suits me.I always rise to a challenge and love setting myself positive goals,but this moves you into setting the goal,overcoming challenges(lack of money,energy,confidence) and not allowing them to be blocks and enables you to seek solutions to the block and finally achieve that which you thought you couldnt.
My father used to say to "sarah,there is no such thing as cant.Its wont" I can see that he was right.Anything is possible.It just depends wether we believ it to be so and then ACT on that.It takes energy but is so rewarding.

Exams

I dont quite know how I did it.I was in a sea of fog and my head felt heavy and unclear.I was certain that I had done JUST enough to pass.It seems I have very little faith in my abilities.A familiar theme.
I managed 6 distinctions and a credit!
The relief is tangible and now I can really try and relax before I head back in a week and a half.
Its so rewarding!

Exhale and reconnect...........

Pheweeeeeeeee.....Its been a massive 6 weeks.I had my folks here for a couple of weeks and wonderful!But no study. Then finals! Head down and bum up and hold my breath for a lot longer than I think is humanly possible.
Had some good exams and some shockers too, my mind set had to change alot for these exams.I didnt have the time to do brilliantly.I had the time to pass.It felt uncomfortable and still does but as I keep hearing around the place Ps make degrees,so lets hope I managed the Ps.There was one exam where I am not sure that I even did that but lets wait and see.
So know here I am bereft of study and a whole lot of time on my hands for the next month.It will fly by ,and is such a joy not to have to wake in the morning with a work load that never ends.
Plan to get strong in the next month.Pull in the abs and lift up the bum that has become chair shaped!

Those 5 little things

This is a bit tricky because there are some things people know and some that dont.....I will try to dazzle you with some real dingers!

MEN: I can safely say that I dont trust men at all.Not in the slightest.Not married not single,not bi-sexual,BUT I seem to be able to trust gay men........the ones that I fully take on as my friends and develop friendships with anyways.

MASKS AND COLOURED CONTACT LENSES:Get away from me if you have either of these.I am extremely phobic of both.I like to be able to look into your eyes.....your real eyes! or see your facial expression.I dont like it when Halloween comes around and everyone wears masks.It freaks me out! Not because they are scary and hideous looking ,purely because I cant see who you really are.......

RABBITS AND GUINEA PIGS:Not a great fan.I was glad when my rabbit died.She was the devil incarnate and ever since I have really steered clear,unless of course they are small babies and ever so cute and that I can hand thenm back and not have to deal with thier stinking hutches.Never really got guinea pigs either...would happily run one over or stick it with a couple of acupuncture needles.Tell me......what is thier purpose on this planet?? To make annoying squeaky noises and piss me off??? Doing a good job!

SEX:The best moment of sex is when its all done and dusted and the pumping and grinding is over and there is a profound state of relaxation.Noises are clearer and I love to just lie and listen to evrything around me.Breath,birds in trees,passing cars,the sounds of far off voices,the sound of the ocean.........

BEFORE I DIE: I want to fly in a hot air balloon,visit South America,and the maldives,Have a child,Fall in love and get married,have my own business,own a house by the beach,own a saab convertible,visit the dalai llama,learn the art of Tantra, travel with my children at a young age.

Forgotten lines........

I had a really strange night of dreams last night and I cant fathom out what they all mean.
Firstly all my teeth fell out.I have had this dream before.I am standing in front of a mirror and I gat a chalky taste in my mouth and my teeth slowly disintegrate in my mouth......all of them.This happened last night,but to add insult to injury i found an old piece of jewellry hanging from one of my tonsils.It had gone green with verdigris.The jewellry was a butterly earring.
As I was wondering what to do about lost teeth ,planning a trip back to the U.K for false teeth I realised that I was in a show.I turned up for dress rehearsal feeling like I have never been to a rehearsal before and cant remember any of my lines.I feel like I was at rehearsals at the start of the show but somewhere along the line I have skipped many many rehearsals and not been there,but no-one seems to have noticed I havent been present .I fumble and panic.I tell the director I need the script.I am having a bad day.My teeth have fallen out I tell him and it seems to have affected my memory.I promise to learn the lines......ALL of them before the show tommorow.He is okay with that......I return to my home and am told that its a dump and jack Nicholson will move me into an old terraced cottage that it far more ameniable and the rent is next to nothing.
I wake up........
I have no idea what it all means,even though writing ot out helps.

Little MR and MISS.

I dont know why I have been thinking about the Mr.Men over the last few days but I have!Its not like I have a whole heap of time on my hands.......
Anyways here is my question........feel free to comment.I love comments! It makes me feel loved and like people are actually reading this thing.You can remain anonymous!

OKAY !!! THE QUESTION
IF YOU WERE A MR OR LITTLE MISS WHICH ONE WOULD YOU SAY YOU WERE,AND WHICH ONE WOULD YOU SAY OTHERS WOULD PUT YOU AS........???
Oh and if there is a Mr or little miss that you wanna make up then hey, go ahead!!!

As for me I think people might call me either little miss chatterbox or some might say little Miss scary!
I am going to make up my own for how i would describe myself.Little miss sensitive,but not in a princess sensitive way if you get my drift!!!!!!!

Ciao for now


Little Miss All-goes-Well
Little Miss Bad
Little Miss Birthday
Little Miss Bossy
Little Miss Brainy
Little Miss Brilliant
Little Miss Busy
Little Miss Busy-Body
Little Miss Careful
Little Miss Chatterbox
Little Miss Christmas (Little Miss series)
Little Miss Contrary
Little Miss Curious
Little Miss Dotty

Little Miss Fickle
Little Miss Fun
Little Miss Giggles
Little Miss Greedy
Little Miss Helpful
Little Miss Jealous
Little Miss Late
Little Miss Laugh
Little Miss Lucky
Little Miss Magic
Little Miss Naughty
Little Miss Neat
Little Miss Prim
Little Miss Quick
Little Miss Scary
Little Miss Scatterbrain

Little Miss Selfish
Little Miss Shy
Little Miss Somersault
Little Miss Splendid
Little Miss Star
Little Miss Stella
Little Miss Stubborn
Little Miss Sunshine (children's books character)
Little Miss Tidy
Little Miss Tiny
Little Miss Trouble
Little Miss Twins
Little Miss Vain
Little Miss Whoops
Little Miss Wise
Little Miss Yes
*
Mr. Men
M
Mr. Birthday
Mr. Bounce
Mr. Brave
Mr. Bump
Mr. Busy
Mr. Chatterbox
Mr. Cheeky
Mr. Cheerful
Mr. Christmas
Mr. Clever
Mr. Clumsy
Mr. Cool
Mr. Crosspatch
Mr. Daydream
Mr. Dizzy
Mr. Forgetful
Mr. Funny
M cont.
Mr. Fussy
Mr. Good
Mr. Greedy
Mr. Grumble
Mr. Grumpy
Mr. Happy
Mr. Impossible
Mr. Jelly
Mr. Lazy
Mr. Mean
Mr. Messy
Mr. Mischief
Mr. Miserable
Mr. Muddle
Mr. No
Mr. Nobody (Mr. Men)
Mr. Noisy
Mr. Nonsense
Mr. Nosey
M cont.
Mr. Perfect
Mr. Quiet
Mr. Rude
Mr. Rush
Mr. Silly
Mr. Skinny
Mr. Slow
Mr. Small
Mr. Sneeze
Mr. Snow
Mr. Strong
Mr. Tall
Mr. Tickle
Mr. Topsy-Turvy
Mr. Uppity
Mr. Worry
Mr. Wrong

A nicer note.........

Its good Friday! I am giving myself the day off and am heading into the city to have lunch with some friends and then head out to a bar someplace.
Its deadly quiet out here in the suburbs........am hoping there is more life in the city!!!!!!
Happy Easter everyone!

Damn it........

After months of cultivating new hair I have just discovered another small patch of hair has come out!
I think possibly because of the past 10 days and the attitude of some of my co-students.I cant blame them for the hair loss but I can try and do something about how I respond to it.
FUCK FUCKEDY FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Yin and Yang

The possibility for a person to exist on "generalized" opposites is something I have been giving alot of thought to.
Let me elaborate.I often hear people say they wouldnt say boo to a goose and yet it is these very same people that will go right ahead and do a bungy jump with carefree abandonement and no hesitation.I have seen people who are painfully shy explode into a torrent of hialrious stories and gesticulations.What I am trying to get at here and not particularly well is that we are not black and white always .There are shades of grey.There is no particular mould that we have to fit into....unless of course we desperatly want to "fit in".We are not predictable ,or able to be compartmentalized into this or that .Shy and sensitive,outgoing and strong. Weak and shy,quiet and introverted.Loud and extrovert.
I am trying to move away from these genearlizations at the moment and look at the elemnts of each individual that make them what they are and try not to make a judgement on that person or sum them up in a few words. We are colourful individuals,with a rainbow of attributes and cascade of expressing them. I also believe that it is impossible to make a judgement on an individual that is finite.We are constantly brightening or dulling our rainbows and our ways of expressing them.

SPEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!

I realised that I had completed overlooked the speed dating that I did 2 weeks ago!

It was fun!
I was nervous as hell before going in.Managed to get myself and the 2 girls I went with a little lost but we got there in one piece!

Before heading to the venue the girls and I met up to discuss how it was going to go.One of my friends had experienced speed dating before so enlightened us with how it might go.We sat and discussed what questions we might ask to make the most of the 6 minutes that you have to spend with each guy.

A few of mine:

Whats your most valuable possession?? (material/spiritual/emotional)
If you were a vending machine what would you vend?
Where would you like to see yourself in 5 years?
If you were an animal what would you be, and why?

So after getting myself suitably worked up we finally mananged to make to the venue(inclusive of tripping up the wrong street for about 10 minutes,until my aunt came to the rescue witht he proper address after a rather panicky phone call from myself!)

So we arrived.
First impressions were........I dont wanna do this! I just wanna go to a bar and get drunk!
12 tables lay in the room with numbers and paper laid on the table....
The host introduced herself and the girls were told to go and pick a table to sit at.
The men were told to do the same ,but would be the ones moving from table to table.
Bell rings and you start talking.Bell rings and you stop and move on.
It was suprising how quickly the 6 minutes went.Although I didnt necessarily want to date certain individuals again ,it was nice chatting and seeing what was out there.
I met a few really nice guys that I would like to get to know better b4 considering wether I would like to get in a relationship with them.
I am in no hurry to make any decisions.I would just like to enjoy the process and get out there and meet some guys......
I would definately speed date again.It was fun and a great way to meet men/and women too!

Hold on tight now!............weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...........

Phew........seems its not my week this week.......I feel tired ,drained and have cried alot.......
So this morning I picked myself off my floor and went for a drive to find a tree......a strong tree! One that could just give me some strengnth and grounding!
I havent sat with a tree for a long time and it felt really good! I got clear really quickly!
Thank you tree!

Ritual

Ritual.......what does this word mean to a lot of people???
Some I guess might think it has religious connotations ,others might think it is something devilish,sexual,devious,some perhaps think light and power enhancing.
Today I decided that after the last few days that I need a personal clearing and my space needed a bit of a cleanse too.
Some months ago I purchased a sage and lavender stick for this very purpose.Native American Indians used them often to invoke spirit for healing and cleansing.
I wouldnt say that I am a kooky kinda gal but I do have my moments,and when I thought about doing this ritual it led me to take a look at what it was about.
For me it wasnt so much about the ritual or the smudge stick.It was the intention and taking a moment to focus on that .I very often dont take time out in my life to perform rituals, and it occured to me that it is really important to make time for them in my life everyday so that I can set the direction that I want my life to take and the energy I want to put out there into the world.
I have recently started to meditate every day at least for 10-20 minutes,but often this ritual gets cast aside under a desk full of study notes and I know that I am cheating myself of a valuable tool.
Intention of thought for me is very powerful.It can harm and it can heal.
In acupuncture we talk sometimes about a point that is more about intention than necesarily its indication or function but can be equally powerful.
So I have decided that I am going to develop more ritual in my life........
anyone out there have any rituals that the perform that they find valuable then let me know! I would love to hear.
And now I feel cleansed and my room clear I am off to do some study!!!!!!!

Shaken not stirred...........

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Yet again I find myself in conflict.I am obviously needing to learn a lesson here,either that or I have a big red beacon that is invisible to me but apparent to every conflict seeking bitch on the planet which squeals out ......vent on me,vomit your venomous tongue upon me,lay your shit on me..........WHAT THE FARK!
I am trying very hard to not take this latest event to heart.It was a very rude encounter and one that reeked of hatred rather than resolution. This part is the part that frutrates me the most.I beleive that if there is conflict ultimately there should be resolution,so upon opening myself up to allowing this as a possibility I found I sit here pondering how to go forward with this situation........Firstly I beleive that I need to look inwards and see if there is anything I can do to adjust the situation within myself.Look at some of my personality traits and see if they have contributed to this situation.Are they ones I can change?? Are they ones I WANT to change.I have sat with this a bit today and have come up with a few ideas.
Firstly If anyone tries to get in my face like that again,I will tell them firmly and respectfully to get out of my space and take thier shit to someone who wants to listen.Secondly I would suggest that if they would like to TALK about whats bothering them rather than rant,then I am here to listen.Thirdly not everyone i going to like me.This is a hard one for me,but one I have to come to terms with.Fourthly I am not always going to say ,do or behave in the right way.I am a strong,vital woman with certain beliefs.They are always up for discussion,and always open to being challenged.But not everyone is the same as me or thinks the same way as me,so I must be sensitive to this.Perhaps listen more to what they person is saying to me.........
So I have stepped out of this situation shaken,a little ruffled somewhat nervous about seeing this person again,but clear about it all.
The End.

Outside ,In

Today I felt on the outside looking in.I very rarely feel like that, but it always shows I am feeling insecure.I felt like the world was happily revolving irrelevant of my existence and almost happily without it.I wanted to reach out for a while and say "look at me.notice me.Love me please" .
I admonished myself for being weak and then berated myself for not allowing myself for accepting these moments of insecurity.I couldnt win today and nothing I did , said or acted made a difference.Its 100% okay to be sensitive .Its part of what makes me,but sometimes I wish I wasnt so..........

Cupping !

Well here we go!!!! Its time to fasten your seat belts and get ready for lift off,its time to insert needles ,suction cups,scrape and hammer all in an effort to get that good ol qi moving how it should.......basically freely , and ,in the right the direction!
Here is me cupping for the first on the lovely Miguel who is my therapeutics partner!
I was slightly nervous as cupping involves the juggling of fire and glass cups and skin! It all went well and I was really happy with the result! The more "Sha"that comes up the better and as you can see from the 2nd pic there was a lot of sha! Although it looks sore it doesnt hurt a bit and basically in TCM philosophy is ridding certain areas or organs of stagnation by draging the cups over the body which has been vacuum sucked on by the aid of fire within the cup.......feels good.

33 Looming.

33 is looming next wednesday and I am curious to see how it pans out over the year! 32 was all about commitmnet to study and lots of challenges on all levels.
This year I would like to focus and set goals in other directions!
First up is have to a bit more ME time add a little fun,some man action and some femininity. One of my gay friends here says that"I do THINGS to him that no woman has done before" I guess I should take that as a compliment but really I am not in the market for a gay boyfriend or even a Bi boyfriend.I am looking for a nice solid man with fabulous morals and ethics.Likes to look outside the box and is kind and gentle.
So with that in mind I have decided to celebrate the turn of my 33rd year with a bit of speed dating.Never done it before,but I reckon it will be a hoot as long as I dont have to date 12 ugly men with ugly personalities I should be fine.No! I m not shallow ,but I do know what I want,and seeing as I have so little time on my hands this seems to be the most convinient way to meet men who want to meet girls!
Watch this space!

Theres a rat in my bedroom what am i gnna do????

Hoorah ! I am back to Uni ! I likey! I now have a goal and a purpose again! I loved being able to restore all my energy after many stressful exams and experiences .I loved resting and waking in the morning with not much to do! I loved sleeping in!

First 2 days were great! But yesterday went a bit awry! Rushing to the bus stop found me flat on my face as foot hit kerb and body went reeling...........I thought i was going to right myself but it didnt happen and I went on going ! I underestimated the damamge as I got right back up again with heavy book,drink,lunch filled rucksack to dash to my bus.........later that afternoon I started to experience tight nervey pain down my right arm,left leg felt crampy.
Finished lesson ,hopped or should I say hobbled onto the bus and went straight to work.By 10 pm I was feeling seriously damaged and crippled.Turning my head to the left was not only painful but gave me painful nerve sensatons down my left arm............hmmmmmmmm......I have developed a limp too on my right side.........where in my life did I become so vulnerable???? Falling has never caused this before............Bugger 33 this year.Maybe thats why!
So I get home after a veeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy long day and walk into my bedroom.I am in pain,I wanna sleep,but whats that smell!? it smells rank...... I open the windows and turn on the fan and turn around to see a humungous rat lying on my floor......it has its lower jaw missing........I am guessing its been eaten......is that the tastiest part?????
I dont like spiders but I will catch them if I have to...but a rat?? A rank smelling rotting rat??? I do it.I have to.Its not good.I wrap it in lots of paper and plastic so I cant feel it at all! Where did this come from?? This utter repulsion never experienced.......oh yes ! Thats right I remember I am 33 in 3 weeks time .I am going soft.....Its gotta go! It stinks and I dont wanna sleep with a mauled rat in my room.Benji is so happy wth himself and loudly Miows beside me as if to say "Look Mama ! Look wHat I got you!"
THANKS DARL..........
I go to bed with painkillers and a sore arm and leg.
I remember I said this year would be different! SLow down girl and take it easy! Praise the gift of love and Rat and be careful with yourself!
Its good to be back!

Back to School

Next monday sees me returning back to School,which for the most part I am desperate to return to.I have a lot of adjusting to do as last semester saw me overworked,overstressed and over achieving..........so I have to try and contain the study to certain times and give myself a care free day off,otherwise I can see that I will have no hair left.(I had a stressful week last week and it started to come out again,but only a little)Anyways ,moving on from my ailments of which sometimes are too many ,and oh so dull.............

So next semester is the start of getting a little more intensive on the Chinese Subject side rather than the Western Medicine side,so I am hoping that it will be alot more motivating for me.That is not to say that I havent found the Western Med subjects fascinating,more the chemistry side of things! Hoorah no more!
I have just purchased the biggest book on Clinincal medicine and opened it up! Its pretty impressive.Pathology is impressive ,but its also scary! Hmmmmmm...perhaps I should look at all these big unknown words as exciting! The only problem is that the only chance I will ever get to use them is when talking to a doctor or others interested in clinical meds.........its not like you can just drop it into a conversation or display your talent on a wall! ..........hmpf.
BUT BUT BUT..........i will start needling next semester and performing moxabustion and dermal hammering and cupping and bleeding and,and ,and!
So I will keep you posted on all of that!
I am just posting a link Acupuncture. Whats good for you! for you guys to watch.......the link is at the top and not easy to see but the video is quite interesting although basic,but ,anything to promote the cause.
I am also doing critical research skills next semester so perhaps I wll start boring you all with that too.

Day 16?????

I am in this very moment being gripped by a craving for a ciggie! My mind is rabid with thoughts of popping to the shops to buy a packet and smoke one! BUT never fear..........I wont..............its day 16?
Why the question mark I hear you say.....well........ermmmmmm......technically I havent booted the habit completely.I have had about 6 cigarettes in the last 8 days.I could say it was because I have had a highly stressful week,(and I have) but I really dont want to use that as an excuse as to why I smoked but I did and I feel crappy about it! I did say fromt he start that i would be happy to indulge from time to time and I guess 6 ciggies out of the 300 I would have usually smoked is great,but somehow as is always my way I feel i have let myself down.But I havent have I really??I guess I should be patting myself on the back for having achieved this at all.But everyone around me gives off waves of disappointment rather than encouragement and this saddens me a little.It feels to me like the fact that I had a ciggie at all is like I have failed,but in part ,I feel like there is no failure ,just an honest desire to get healthier and trying my best I am certainly not smoking full-time and my most vulnerable time is after finishing work at night,or if I have a coffee,so I am working with that.
I feel better for being a mostly non-smoker....or whatever you would call me now!

Water ! Water!

Water or Coke?
Having been a very big fan of coke for many years(God Bless my insides) I have on many occasions treated it like an addiction.I have tried to give it up and go without.Sometimes on a very hot day I will have one but after reading this I think not~~ I havent had a coke for a while now due to my new love of soda water with ginger cordial! You see I dont think its the coke I really am addicted to but its the fizz,the bubbles and the way they fill my mouth with excitement and it quenches my thirst so well!
After reading this I really felt I should try and drink more water too~I hope you find this as interesting as I did.


WATER

#1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.
(Likely applies to half the world population.)


#2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak
that it is mistaken for hunger.


#3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as 3%.



#4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs
for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of
Washington study.


#5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.


#6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of
water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain
for up to 80% of sufferers.



#7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term
memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on
the computer screen or on a ! printed page.


#8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of
colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast
cancer by 79%., and one is 50% less likely to develop
bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water
you should drink every day?



COKE

#1. In many states the highway patrol carries
two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from
the highway after a car accident.



#2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke
and it will be gone in two days.


#3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the
toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour,
then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes
stains from vitreous china.



#4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers:
Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds
Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.


#5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour
a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble
away the corrosion.



#6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola
to the rusted bolt for several minutes.



#7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into
the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake.
Thirty minutes before ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix
with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.



#8... To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke
into the load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run
through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen
grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your
windshield.


FOR YOUR INFORMATION:

#1.
the active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid.
It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric
acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major
contributor to the rising increase of osteoporosis.

#2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup! (the concentrate) the
commercial trucks must use a hazardous Material place
cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

#3. The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean
engines of the trucks for about 20 years!



Now the question is, would you like a glass of water?

or Coke?

Booting the habit....Day 5

Okay! I major shift in my world! I have not had a smoke for 5 days.
This is a pretty amazing thing for me as I havent gone a day without a ciggie in 17 years.
This is a decision that I am completely in control of.I decided the time was right to give it a go and here I am 5 days down the track! It feels like a lifetime and in the same instance alot easier than I anticipated.
Day one and two have been the easiest so far.Day 3 was a nightmare!I managed to have a fight with the lady in the local shop over the price of a Peppermint Freddo Frog and felt like a deep dark hole would gobble me up if I didnt smoke a ciggie.Of course it didnt but in the mean time I stole one of my bosses smokes just in case it did ! The cigarette is still sitting in my work apron 2 days later!Day 4 and 5 are better but I have spent much time negotiating with myself,planning when and where I might have a ciggie if I was to,telling myself that once in a while one smoke would be okay!I could be a social smoker surely?? or if not even that a smoke once or twice a week would be okay.......Its such a powerful drug!!!
Fortunately I have a few really supportive friends who have called me quite a few times to talk with me through the tough times ........one who has never smoked and one who gave up a few months ago but has the occasional.Its those calls that mean a heap to me.This is a strange new territory for me and I feel strangely disconnected from myself! I am so used to having a ciggie in my hand that I am not entirely sure who ths girl is that has not had a puff for 5 days........there are limitless possibilitie that open up in my head when I think about being a non-smoker and they are all so positive.
I have been really careful to not replace the cigs with any food! I think it would be easy to stuff in chocolate and all sorts of crap in an attempt to fill the hole ,but I really dont want to gain any weight and this is the time to forge new routines not just replace the old ways with another unhealthy addiction.Anyways I cant go into my local shop to buy Freddo Frogs anymore so I guess that I must have subconciously sabotaged that one!
So my way of thinking at the moment is TODAY I AM NOT SMOKING ..........
lets just see how it goes

Whos got more time on thier hands...........Her or me???

Wow.........I had to practice this quite a few times before I fully understood it but hey listen by the time you get it, i reckon its going to change your folding habits for a lifetime~!

You can thank me later~!

Bliss!

Hah Hah!
Here I am! I bet you thought I had disappeared off the face of the planet!That perhaps all my stresses and lack of hair had got the better of me and I had decided in the light of all of this to sign myself up as a Buddhist Monk ...........but no!Here I am! back and sparkling and brand spanking new!

Hair is growing back........albeit slowly,but there is a nice short tufty patch developing.I think it might grow back as a salt and pepper colour by the looks of it,but we shall see.

Fees for next semester are slowly accumulating in my bank account ,slowly being the operative word but all the same I will make the financial deadline.

Study is more or less non-existent and I still have another month before I start! Yehaw! Although I am trying to fit in a little here and there to keep it in my head!

Sleep is plentiful!

Holiday in Adelaide with the J-ster very chilled and lots of beach time and chill time! So now have nice tan !

Have lost 2 kilos of sitting on my arse studying weight!

Best of all as I look out the window here it is sunny and warm! Even better than that,I know I can go out and enjoy it any time I like! Hooray!

Thats all from me for the mo! I have some painting to do! Am working on some childrens pictures as part of my resolution to be a little more creative
Ciao for now~