Its been a day. I couldnt quite tell you why I feel the way I do. I have all legs and arms present and correct but for some reason I cant shake this feeling that someone is going to pull the carpet from under my feet.I hate this feeling.I wish I had a magic carpet so that no-one could ever pull the carpet from underneath my feet.
At the moment I feel like there is so much expectation from others in my life to be something or someone I am not.I want to be . Its tiring trying to make energy where there is none to be made.
I feel like if I dont live up to these expectations then all will come tumbling around me.My job,My home,My friendships and even the respect of those around me.Oh my if I had a magic carpet then that wouldnt happen.I would always have a place to be..................
There always seems to be condition on everything.Relationship cannot survive without intense physical gratification.Your career cannot survive without intense energy output.Respect wont be commanded unless you do something bold or daring or ingeneous.
I think I want time out! Its so consuming sometimes! I feel that if I could just take a mini break from it all,maybe get some sun and some perspective I can start all over again,but it doesnt work that way.There is a past a present and a future to handle,maintain and work for.........
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
hey sweetie - thank you for sharing how you feel.
v. brave darling! and you know what?
i think most of us feel the same a lot, or at least some of, the time.
there are days when i wonder why / how i got to the here & now. sometimes (good days) i think 'yeah, i deserve all this'
other days, i think i am living a fake life, and that everyone can see through me - and they can really see the little girl whose trying to look confident & comfortable & sure of herself
ah - i guess this is the tough thing of being a grown up - we have all this pressure to look great & be successful.
anyway - before i take up more of your space, just want to say that i think you're a great woman, and i enjoy being around you - no conditions there.
i'm with miss h there. i certainly don't think you're the only one feeling that way. i'll put my hand up and be counted in the carpet vote. you know what, i too am trying to find my balance, both within myself and amongst the various responsibilities/expectations in my life. it's hard. tiring. no, exhausting, in so many ways. sometimes i think, this adult thing ain't all it's cracked up to be.
but sometimes i get a kick out of silly things like paying the bills and parents telling their kids to call me 'lady'. it's just so bizarre that how i feel inside, how i look on the outside, and how i am perceived by others; are such entirely different concepts.i just want to smile in amusement at the oddness of it, and not take it all too seriously. not one aspect defines me as a person. i'll figure that out myself.
oh, i think miss h. made another fine point. you are a fabulous human being with a huge heart. no conditions there either :)
Post a Comment